


The stained wings of freedom

by nightowljane



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Character Death, Comrades, Death, Dreams and Nightmares, Everyone Has Issues, F/F, F/M, Familial Bonds, Fluff, Gen, Help, I'm Bad At Summaries, Injury, Jean Kirstein and Eren Yeager Fight, Maybe some Romance, Pain, Past Abuse, Past Torture, Platonic Relationships, Protectiveness, also reader is OP, and tagging, friendships, i dont know tags, im bored with my life, maybe humour if I'm funny enough, mentions of Isabel and Furlan, messed up childhood, reader doesn't take shit, you’ll see why later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-06-02 09:48:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19438948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightowljane/pseuds/nightowljane
Summary: you’ve got blood on your hands, blood that is stained by those who haunt your past. you rise from your demons to join the military, but have you truly escaped or are you still followed by the nightmares of your childhood, the fibres of your very existence, creation and being?find out by reading this story !!!!!





	1. 1 - first day

**Author's Note:**

> idk why I wrote this but I'm bored as hell with my life and I needed something to do. This is a various x reader story where the reader interacts with a bunch of people. so yea. tell me what y'all think and leave any kudos/ comments if y'all like it so far

You stood tall, shoulders broad and head held up high. You didn’t dare show any fear or anxiety in your eyes, your hues of (e/c) were rather blank and far away. Your eyes flit across the heads and faces of your soon to be comrades, all of them standing in long rows, while a bald-headed man named Keith Shadis interrogated and humiliated most of them. Everyone else seemed to be intimidated, even terrified of the guy, but you knew better. You’ve seen scarier shit than a man who yelled and cursed at a bunch of kids.

You could hear, and see him nearing your presence, skipping a few cadets for an unknown reason to you. A boy with chestnut-colored hair and the pair of the brightest teal green eyes you’ve ever seen; beside him a girl with medium length black hair and a pair of vacant gray orbs to match. Shadis loomed over a small, timid, blonde boy with huge ocean-blue eyes. His hair was long in comparison to the rest of the boys around but you thought it suited him.

“AND WHAT IS YOUR NAME MAGGOT?!”

In a slightly clumsy manner, the blonde boy hit his fist to his chest in a salute, “My name is Armin Arlert Sir! From the Shiganshina district Sir!” Armin replied his eyes glazing over, probably reminiscing in what seemed to be horrible memories.

“AND WHAT ARE YOU HERE TO DO YOU LITTLE SHIT?!” Shadis still screaming vociferously in the poor boy’s face.

You could see his eyes glint with a sense of determination, speaking loudly in response, “I am to aid humanity against our battle with the Titans Sir!” 

Shadis didn’t seem pleased whatsoever by his resolution, as he grabbed his head and turned it around roughly, “ That’s great to hear, you’ll be a delicious snack for the Titans Cadet Arlert.”

Moving on to another few unlucky souls, he finally stopped at the boy beside you. Earlier you hadn’t really paid much attention to him; he was quite tall, with copper-like hues. He had a dark undercut and a head of messily strewn light brown hair; it’s two-toned color unique amongst the rest of you. He slightly resembled a horse to you with his long face, but he wasn’t ugly, that’s for sure. _But now was really not the time to be thinking about that._ You chide yourself, shaking your head slightly to dismiss any more random thoughts.

Shadis stood in front of said boy, towering over his form, “WHO ARE YOU?!” You winced slightly at the way his voice rung in your ears; you hadn’t realized he was so damn loud until he stood beside you. 

“Jean Kirstein from the Trost district Sir!” He replied as he gave a proper salute, but from the corners of your eyes, you could see his own optics wavering slightly in fear and uneasiness.

“AND WHAT IS YOUR SORRY ASS DOING HERE?!”

You could see a sly smirk across his face, his eyes brightening up in pride, “I’m here to join the Military Police Sir!” 

You held back a scoff, rolling your eyes at the statement. You only knew the Military Police as pieces of scum that had no sole purpose, other than being a bunch of useless asses. From a quick glance at Shadis, you could see his face; eyes narrowing as he spoke, “So you want to join the MP’s, trying to live a nice, titan free life are you?”

“Yes, Si-” Before Jean could even finish his statement, Shadis had headbutted him so hard the guy fell on his ass as he grabbed his forehead, grunting in pain at the sudden impact. You forced down a smile that was threatening to play at your lips as Shadis continued to speak.

“Get your ass off the ground Cadet! If a simple headbutt is going to make you fall down then you don’t stand a chance on getting into the Military Police!”

He turned and stalked up to your form, eyes penetrating as they scrutinized every inch of your face. You simply gazed up at him, eyes still showing no sense of emotion. You could see some people watching you from afar. It felt as if Shadis had stood there for almost ten minutes, but after only a couple of seconds he moved on to his next victim. 

You were confused as to why he didn’t say anything to you, it was bewildering, to say the least, but that wasn’t your problem as of late. He then carried on to a freckled boy with dark brown hair named Marco Bott. For some reason, he wanted to work under the King as a member of the Military Police as well. A realization had dawned to you; most of your fellow comrades were nothing but spineless cowards. 

You weren’t going to show any form of weakness or fear, never again will you display your vulnerability to others. You were here for a purpose, and you weren’t going to stray from your path.

* * *

Later that day you and your fellow comrades were called to have dinner before you were to retire to your dormitories. You arrived a little earlier than everyone else; climbing up the steps of the old wooden building, you pushed open the doors to the mess hall finding it scarce end empty with no one inside. 

Strolling in, you took a tray of soup and bread from the kitchen before finding a seat at one of the long dark tables. Throwing your legs over the bench you sat down and began to eat. Soon enough the others began to trudge in, your ears could hear snippets of conversations and some laughter resounding throughout the building. Paying them no attention you continued to drink your bland stew with the metal spoon you were provided with. It seemed that everyone found their desired seats while others surrounded the teal eyed boy you noticed earlier. 

From what you could catch from the conversation unfolding, people were asking question after question, mostly based on what happened with the fall of Wall Maria.

“Did you really see the Colossal Titan Eren?!” A bald-headed boy asked him way too enthusiastically for the topic at hand.

“Yes, I did.” Was all he - or Eren to be more exact - replied with while still eating his food. 

While looking down at the bland, grey soup placed on the table, you registered the sound of fabric rustling and a thud of someone sitting in the seat in front of you. Looking up, you were face to face with the two-toned hair boy known as Jean. 

Your facade didn’t seem to alter even at the new figure sitting in front of you. You blankly blinked at the guy, tilting your head waiting for him to speak first.

Catching on Jean, cleared his throat before reaching out his hand, “Name’s Jean Kirstein, what about you?” 

Your eyes flit to the hand outstretched towards you, as you looked back up to him, ignoring the gesture, “I know.”

Jean coughed awkwardly when he realized you weren’t going to shake his hand so he resorted to scratching the back of his neck, “Well can I at least catch your name?” 

“(Y/N). Just (Y/N).” You replied, your voice monotone and apathetic.

“S-so (Y/N)... where are you from?” Jean questioned somewhat gauchely, seemingly affected by your impassive expression and uninterested nature. 

You took a rather large bite out of your stale, nearly rock-hard loaf of bread before replying, “Stohess.”

Jean’s eyes widened and lips parted in surprise, he smacked both palms of his hands on the wooden table catching the attention of people surrounding the two of you, “You’re from Stohess?!” 

Everyone’s expressions seemed to turn to states of bewilderment and confusion. Curiosity getting the better of them as conversations began to die down. You sighed pushing your tray away from you, as you leaned on your chin, staring at the boy with copper-like eyes, “Yes and why are you so surprised?”

A smug look crossed his face, his shocked expression changing to a shit-eating grin, “Well I’m just wondering why a rich girl from Stohess is here trying to join the military.” You rolled your eyes deciding to cross your arms over your chest as an underlying scowl came across your visage, “And who told you that?”

“Well if you come from the inner walls you must be some girl that ran away from her parents or a princess trying to fight for humanity. So which one is it?” You could see his ego clearly inflate itself at the way he began to grate at your already tense nerves.

“Neither.” 

“Come on just tell me, what’s your story? Why are you here?” He asked a smug smirk etched onto his face.

At this point, everyone appeared to have their attention focused on the two of you conversing. A few boys especially had their eyes on you, examining your face and actions as you replied to the long-faced boy. 

“That’s none of your business _Kirstein._ ” You hissed back, hands dropping to your sides as you held them into tight fists, the color draining from your knuckles. 

“You have to have some history. Shadis didn’t say anything to you and it’s got me quite intrigued.” 

Some people looked at each other, nodding slightly at Jean’s statement. It made sense that the few he skipped over had already seen a Titan up close, but you were from Stohess, so what was your deal?

You narrowed your eyes, glaring at the boy in front of you. At first, you tried to just ignore his attempts to prying into your life, but now you were irritated. Before you could control the words coming out of your mouth you snapped back, “ That’s none of your damn business. Just because you’re a little self-centered prick trying to run away from the fight to sit on your useless ass for the rest of your life doesn’t mean I’m like that. So I suggest you bite your tongue and learn to stop talking before someone rips it out for you.”

The silence was all that could be heard throughout the mess hall; the building so quiet you could hear the wind rustling the leaves outside and the sound of crickets chirping quietly in the distance. Everyone seemed to be taken aback by your sudden outburst, eyes watching you carefully as you resorted to glaring at the boy in front of you.

Jean began to grind his teeth in frustration, eyes narrowing in a slight scowl before he spoke, “Is that a threat?”

You took a sip of your water before letting the empty cup clatter down against the wooden table, “It’s a _warning_.” 

You stood up, lifting your legs over the bench to leave the table and seemingly end the conversation there, but Jean had other plans. As you turned to leave, you felt a hand turn your shoulder roughly. You were met with a scowling face and a pair of honey-colored eyes, his hand still gripping your shoulder tightly. In mere moments you had grabbed his wrist and twisted it harshly behind his back.

You pushed him against a rectangular shaped pillar near you, placing more pressure on his wrist, causing him to writhe and squirm under your grasp. A chorus of gasps and sounds of surprise erupted from all around you, no one was able to make a move to help the boy in your tight grip.

You leaned close to Jean’s ear speaking softly as your breath fanned lightly against the lobe of his ear, causing a shiver to run down his spine, “Keep _your_ hands to yourself.”

You let go of him, turning swiftly and taking your leave from the mess hall as all eyes watched your retreating form, paying no attention to Jean as he sat on the ground, rubbing at his arm and mumbling a string of incoherent swears.

“I’m not messing with her anytime soon,” Reiner confessed, shaking his head in amusement.

“That’s for sure.” The bald-headed Connie replying, a grin on his face.


	2. 2 - hanging by a thread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you let off some steam, talk to some new people, and officially begin your first day of training

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yea the story is also loosely based on the anime plot-line for now, but I'm changing things up for the story's sake and to be able to incorporate the reader better

_“Ryker… Do you remember your parents?”_

_“Not at all to be honest. They seem like a distant memory to me now.”_

_You looked at the male in front of you, glancing upwards to catch a better look at his face. Jet-black hair cut into a simple fade on the sides with a few small curls covering the top of his head; his pair of piercing violet-colored eyes set on the ceiling of the dungeon. His tan skin glowing lightly in the torch’s golden light. His thin, straight nose pointed upwards as the corners of his lips upturned into a gentle smile._

_“Even when I try to remember them I can’t make out their faces.” He replied once more, a sigh leaving his lips._

_You nodded, understanding what he meant, “I guess that makes sense since you were taken at such a young age.”_

_Ryker hummed in response, looking at you from the corners of his eyes, “What about you (Y/N)? Do you recall how they look like at all?”_

_You tapped your chin in thought, searching for a memory or maybe an image in that mind of yours, “Hmm, I don’t have a single clue about my father since I never met him, but my mother on the other hand…..”_

_“Yes?”_

_“She was beautiful. She had large, glistening, ocean blue eyes and long caramel-colored hair. She always wore a kind smile on her face and her laughter was full of joy and love. She and my older brother were the best things I had back then, but good things always seem to be taken away from me at one point or another.” You smiled sadly, your eyes stinging slightly at the nostalgia that had washed over you suddenly._

_The boy by your side grabbed your shoulder as he pulled you gently into his side, “Now you’ve got me, little Rogue.”_

_You nodded into his chest, yawning as sleep began to overtake you, “I’m lucky I do Onyx.”_

Your eyes fluttered open, the sun rays of the early morning sunrise bathed the large dorm room that you shared with seven other girls that you were yet to be introduced to. You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes, yawning quietly as you threw the white blanket off of you. Taking a quiet step onto the rough hardwood floor from the bottom bunk you were staying in, you stood and stretched your arms high above your head. Looking around you noticed that everyone else still seemed to be deep into their sleep. It was normal since you still had about an hour or so until you were supposed to actually wake up, but this was a regular occurrence for you so you began with your morning routine.

You slipped off your nightwear and wore your neatly pressed white trousers and matching white shirt. You slipped on your tan jacket and your many harnesses and tight straps with ease. Going to the shared bathroom you all had, you brushed your hair into a loose braid, stray (h/c) locks framing your face. You washed your face with cold water, erasing any signs of sleep from your once drooping eyelids. 

As you head out of the cabin you shut the door quietly behind you, the soft click silent enough so that the girls didn’t wake up. You caught the sound of the faint rustling of the wind shaking the branches and leaves; the quiet chirping melody of the birds in the distance. Looking around you caught sight of the many buildings in the vicinity. Trees, plants, and a large forest covered the vast majority of the west side; while a large track covered up the east side of the camp. Your gaze fell upon an old, battered punching bag hanging from a lone tree near the mess hall. A small smirk played at your lips as you approached the used equipment. 

Shrugging off your tan trainee jacket you hung it carefully on top one of the thick branches that was a little over your height. Rolling up your ironed sleeves neatly you got into a low position, arms held close to your face. You recalled the many combinations and techniques that were drilled into you all those years ago. Muscle memory taking control of your body as your fists crashed into the leather bag with incredible force. Jab, hook, uppercut - and repeat. As you got into a natural rhythm you began to change up the combination, adding a couple of powerful front kicks, sidekicks, and roundhouse kicks into the mix. Every blow was hit with agility and power, each strike followed swiftly with another. You made sure to hold back quite a bit; not wanting to snap the hinges of the punching bag completely. The punching bag swung back and forth rapidly, the hinges hanging from the thick tree branch squeaking with every hit. 

After what seemed to be thirty minutes of rigorous punching and kicking you began to pant ever so lightly, wiping off your hands from the dust that had accumulated onto them from the old bag. Satisfied with the quick workout you rolled your sleeves back into place, fixed up your hair and slipped on your jacket once again. As you pat down your clothing, your ears caught onto the sneaky, quiet footsteps coming up from behind you. 

Snapping your head behind you, the sudden feeling of whiplash made your eyes blurry and unfocused. Shaking your head to regain concentration, your gaze fell onto a broad, muscular chest. Glancing upwards to catch sight of the face of this person; you were then face to face with a tall man with short blonde hair. Thin golden eyes watching you while a large grin was etched onto his face. You gave him a questioning glance, one eyebrow raised.

A deep, hearty chuckle erupted from his being; he took a few steps towards your form as he did so, “I’m Reiner Braun.” 

Still watching his every step carefully you retort distastefully while rolling your eyes, “Do you always just watch people in the early morning?”

He smiled sheepishly in return, scratching the back of his head, “Sorry about that..It’s just….”

A rather charming smile then lit up his rugged, handsome face, “You really know how to throw a punch. Wouldn’t say that a lot of people are that skilled in combat.” 

You shrugged lightly, “I was taught.”

You didn’t know why but today you were in a much better mood. Yesterday your already tense nerves were being grated on by none other than Jean Kirtsien, but you guessed after a good night's sleep - for the first time in a long time - you felt better, calmer.

He nodded in response taking a few more steps towards you while you decided to lean on the tree behind you.

“So why are you up earlier than everyone else (Y/N)?” 

Confused, you tilted your head - which was seemingly a known habit of yours, “How do you know my name?”

This time he put both hands behind his head as he replied with a small smirk, “Well your little squabble with Kirstein caught a lot of people’s attention, mine included. Got the impression you weren’t to be messed with.”

You shook your head in disbelief; you still didn’t know why you lost your cool so quickly. You weren’t here to talk to people, let alone start problems. You mentally scold yourself before replying, “The boy doesn’t know when enough is enough.”

He laughed, shaking his head as he let his hands fall by his side again, “That’s for sure. After you left he nearly got into another fight with Eren.”

You nod while pushing yourself off of the tree and walking up to Reiner, “Well, see you around Braun.” You bid goodbye before walking by him. He turned around, a small smile on his face as he watched you stroll off.

* * *

After a quick morning meal, you and your comrades were gathered around a row of mechanisms where each of you would participate in something known as an ‘Aptitude Test’. All of you would take turns to practice how to hang properly from these harnesses in order to begin your training with the Omni-directional mobility gear in the future.

As you waited for your turn, you stood silently watching people either perform the assessment with ease while others on the other hand struggled. You didn’t understand the hardships of something so simple, you were practically just hanging there for god’s sake. 

Someone from behind you tapped you on the shoulder quickly, retracting their arm as you snapped your head in their direction. The short, bald-headed boy you noticed from yesterday, had a somewhat, uneasy, or maybe even fearful smile on his face.

“‘Yes?”

Sighing gratefully the boy’s face lit up in response, “Hey! My name is Connie Springer! You ready for your turn?” He questioned, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waited for an answer.

You shrugged, looking back towards the few people waiting in line in front of you, “Name’s (Y/N). And it seems simple enough. Nothing that should be difficult for me.”

You glanced back at him when he began to laugh a little, taking a step to stand by your side, “Well you’re confident. This is only the first step. If we can’t do this we have no chance of becoming soldiers.”

“Not all of us are suited to be a part of the military after all.” You responded nonchalantly as you watched a skinny blond boy begin to tip backward as a rather feminine squeal escaped his mouth. 

Connie snorted at the sound, while a ghost of a smile turned the corners of your lips briefly in amusement. As the boy by your side began to speak he was cut off by one of the officers calling you up for your turn. 

The older man began to strap you in and buckle up your harnesses you were lifted up into the air slowly, a foot or more above the ground. It felt natural, your legs hung loosely while you let your arms fall by your sides. Your weight evenly distributed as you balanced on both wires properly. You didn’t move whatsoever, your position effortless and as perfect as it could be. Seemingly pleased with your ability, the officer yelled a good job as he let you back onto the ground. Landing gracefully, he unattached the wires and let you go as he called on another trainee. 

You began to walk off but a chorus of murmuring, and laughs caught your attention. Your gaze followed the large group of people surrounding one of the mechanisms. Narrowing your eyes you caught a glimpse of someone hanging completely upside down on the wires. Looking down you noticed chestnut coloured hair and bright teal eyes. You could see him struggling to get up while others quietly laughed and mocked him. 

Strutting closer towards him you tilted your head watching him carefully, scrutinizing his face and rather embarrassing position. Eren looked back at you, eyes wide and confused, not because of you, but more based on the fact that he was doing a rather terrible job with this test. He opened his mouth to speak, but the sound of a booming voice yelling at him caused him to snap his mouth shut.

“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING CADET JAEGER?! THIS AIN’T KNOW PLAYGROUND BOY!” The infamous Keith Shadis crouched down beside him, glaring into the brunette’s soul. 

Eren gulped down - or rather up, honestly you had no idea based on the position he was in right now. You turned around and walked through the still standing crowd, you weren’t really in the mood to watch a boy fail so you decided to go back to the barracks to wash up and change. 

* * *

As you sat yourself at one of the wooden tables, you heard a familiar voice call out to you, “Y/N! Can I sit beside you?” 

You turned back and saw the familiar bald-headed boy from earlier. A small smile reached your lips as you nodded in response. You didn’t know why but Connie reminded you of a little brother, even though he couldn’t be any younger than 15 years old; basically your own age.

He smiled cheerfully as he took a seat beside you. Only mere moments later you saw two more boys approach your table; one of them you got into a fight yesterday and the other you remembered him from the introductions with Keith Shadis.

Jean trudged behind him, a scowling expression etched onto his visage while the other, named Marco Bott, looked at you with a heartwarming smile. 

“May we sit with you Miss (Y/N)?” Marco asked politely as he bowed his head slightly towards you.

You raised an eyebrow at the action, confused with how formal he was being even though you were merely just another one of his classmates. Glancing at the boy behind him with a distasteful expression, you hesitantly nodded, “If he,” You pointed your chin to the amber-eyed male, “Doesn’t say anything to piss me off.”

Jean growled in response, pushing by Marco ready to start a fight, but the freckled boy jut out an arm to stop him in his tracks. He looked at you apologetically as he spoke, “Sorry about him. He has a temper. Don’t worry, I’ll keep him in check.”

You nodded satisfied as you began to drink your unpleasant stew. Marco and Jean both sat in the seats across from you and Connie. An awkward silence overtook the table as no one said anything, not sure how to start a conversation. You didn’t care much for talking, so you kept eating your meal. 

“My name is Marco Bott and I’m from the Jinae district! It’s nice to meet you Miss (Y/N).” Marco blurted out suddenly, a light blush tinting his cheeks as he gave you a closed eye smile.

You looked up at him before sighing and leaning your cheek against your propped up hand, “Drop the miss, you make me sound like I’m a middle-aged woman.” 

Both Connie and Marco laughed in response, Jean still grumbling to himself due to the unwanted situation he was placed in. “Im sorry, it’s a habit of mine,” Marco stated sheepishly as he scratched the side of his face with a lone finger. 

You shrugged pushing your tray of food away from you, not really haven’t the appetite to eat any more food for some reason. Connie gave you a questioning glance as he looked at the tray and then at you, “Are you not hungry?”

You shook your head crossing your arms on the table and putting your head down sideways while looking at the bald-headed boy, “Nah, I’m not in the mood for food right now.”

Marco shook his head disapprovingly. He pushed the food towards your head, “You have to eat. It’s important that you do.”

You propped your chin on your arms as your gaze fell onto the freckled boy, “I just don’t have the appetite.”

“But-” 

“You heard the girl Marco, just leave her alone,” Jean remarked, crossing his arms across his chest.

“But that’s not good for her hea-” 

Once again Marco was cut off by someone else, but this time said person’s voice was more feminine and loud, “Can I have your food?!”

You looked back to see a girl with brown hair that was put into a high ponytail while drool dripped shamelessly from her open mouth, “Who are you?” 

Connie leaned in beside your ear and whispered quietly, “You don’t remember? That’s potato girl.”

Your eyebrows then furrowed in confusion, “Huh?” You must have missed something because you didn’t remember any ‘potato girl’.

Before Connie could respond to your confused state the girl answered your question quickly, words rushing out of her mouth, “Sasha Blouse, from Dauper! So can I have your food since you don’t want it?!”

Really confused with this girl’s behaviour you nodded reluctantly before sitting up straight and pushing the tray to the open seat beside you, “Here.”

Sasha hopped onto the vacant seat enthusiastically as she drank the soup in one swig and began to wolf down and gobble her food rather impolitely. Crumbs flying everywhere as they littered the sides of her mouth. Wiping off the bits of food off her mouth with the back of her hand she clasped her arms tightly around your body, “Thank you! Thank you so so much!!”

You seized up, freezing under her hold. Eyes wide as unsought flashbacks began to flood in. Noticing your change in behavior Marco stood up abruptly, rushing to your side to get Sasha off of you, but the girl had a strong grip. Jean and Connie looked at each other confused as Marco eventually yanked the brunette off of you with force. 

Marco staggered backward as Sasha fell from her seat with a loud thud. You sat there motionless, eyes still wide and lips set in a firm, straight line. You sat there in a daze as Connie waved a hand in front of you, trying to catch your attention, “Hey (Y/N)! Earth to (Y/N)!” 

After the unresponsive behavior on your end, Connie began to shake you roughly, causing you to flinch violently and eyes snapping towards him. Hastily you stood up and quickly walked out of the mess hall, disregarding those who called after you.


	3. 3- a midnight stroll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you go for a lil walk and bump into a few boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw the italicized is going to be either memories, dreams, or thoughts. ill make it distinct which is which

As you lay in your stiff, yet somewhat comfortable bed, you stared blankly at the wooden underbelly of the bed over top of yours. You could hear the quiet snoring of the stoic, black-haired girl from up above you. Sighing, you turned to the side as you faced the dull wall. Sleep wasn’t your best friend tonight as you kept tossing and turning, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in.

The night before was the first night you had slept soundly in a long time, and you were craving for another peaceful and full night’s rest. The inability to fall asleep was always a problem and so were the nightmares. Finally aggravated with your distress you got out of your bed and slipped on your boots, which didn’t quite match with your nightly attire, but no one was going to see you in the middle of the night anyways.

You slipped out of the room and took a deep breath of fresh air, sighing with content. Glancing upwards, you stared at the sky longingly, stars shimmering dimly while the moon’s pale glow bathed the grass beneath your feet. Taking a lonesome midnight stroll you began to walk towards the forest. Directing your way around trees, over fallen branches and littered rocks. You came across a large tree placed at a distance from the other trunks of wood. Looking around for anybody in the vicinity, you climbed the tree, stepping on branch after branch until you had reached the very top.

Looking upwards, the view was even more breathtaking from here. Your breath caught in your throat, a sad realization coming to mind. Ryker and Priya will never be able to witness this. You stood on the highest branch for god knows how long, simply gazing up with a content smile on your face. Your hand came in contact with the silver necklace that fell loosely around your throat. You smiled at the memory, the memory of when you first got this beloved necklace that you held so dear.

_“(Y/N)...”_

_You turned to look at Ryker, his hands behind his back as he approached you slowly. You raised an eyebrow at his peculiar and odd behaviour, “Ryker… you’re being weird.”_

T _he boy chuckled softly at your baffled expression, “I want to show you something.” Was all that he said as he kept on approaching you._

_“Ryker I swear to god if you try anything funny I will break all of your fingers without hesitation.” You hissed, as you put your hands on your hips trying to demonstrate some sense of authority against the older male, but that only caused him to smirk devilishly._

_“Ryk-” You were cut off when Ryker grabbed your hands and stuffed something in them as he quickly backed away._

_You could feel a cool, metallic object in your hand. Opening it up curiously, your eyes widened in surprise and mouth left parted open at what you found; a silver chained necklace. Small sterling chains linked together as a single pendant hung at the end of it. A gem, that resembled what you imagined would be a star; its pale blue colour shimmering in the artificial light of the lamp. You gazed at it with child-like wonder, you had never seen anything so beautiful before._

_You glanced up at Ryker; your (e/c) irises meeting his sparkling violet eyes. You gazed into them deeply, a genuine smile adorning your features, “Ryker where did you get this?”_

_He sheepishly smiled back at you, glancing away as a faint rosy blush tinted his cheeks with slight embarrassment, but you really hadn’t noticed it, “Uh… Well, earlier when the boss made us hi-jack that carriage I found this. I th-thought that it would suit you.”_

_You walked up to him, suddenly engulfing him in a tightening yet warm embrace, smiling into his shoulder as you whispered quietly, “Thank you Ryk. I love it and I will cherish it forever.”_

_The ebony-haired boy wrapped his arms tightly around your form, “I’m glad you do Rogue.”_

You were disturbed from your star-gazing and trip down memory lane at the distinct sound of footsteps and murmuring passing by from underneath. Looking down, your eyes already adjusted to the dark. You caught a glimpse of four hooded figures walking along the path, when one deep voice, in particular, caught your attention.

“What do you plan on doing if this doesn’t do you any good?”

You slipped down the tree silently, reaching the ground, you sneaked up behind the group, who were unaware of your intentions.

Before they could realize what was happening you spoke, “And what are you boys doing out here at this ungodly hour?”

A small shriek escaped one of the males while yells and a few sounds of surprise resounded from the other three. They all snapped their heads back at you, eyes wide in fear until they realized it was merely a fellow female cadet.

You put your hand over your mouth trying to stifle down a laugh at the amusing reaction and response from the group, “God, you’re all wussies.”

A smile etched itself onto Reiner’s face as he caught sight of you, “Damn (Y/N), we thought you were an officer or even Shadis. Gave me one hell of a scare.”

The other three consisted of the blonde boy named Armin, the brunette known as Eren, and another freakishly tall dark-haired boy who you didn’t know of. Armin began to blush a deep red at the embarrassing sound that he had made from fear. Pulling his hood a little over his face.

Eren narrowed his eyes while looking at you, before he spoke, “We could ask you the same thing.”

You tilted your head, getting a better glimpse of his face, teal eyes shimmering in the orange glow emitting from the torch in his hand, “I asked the question first.”

In response, a quiet voice spoke shyly, catching your attention as you glanced at the tallest boy in the group, “E-Eren needed some h-help for the Aptitude test.”

You hummed, nodding your head in understanding. You did remember him failing quite terribly earlier that day so it made sense, he wanted to get better since he only had one more chance, “Well to answer your question, I couldn’t sleep.”

A questioning look crossed Reiner face as he spoke, “But why would you be in the forest?”

You shrugged, as you took an unnoticeable step closer to the group, “It’s easier to see the stars that way.”

The boys all looked at each other, even more confused. They wondered, how could you see the stars if the trees block your view from getting a better look at the night sky.

Getting at their bewilderment, you continued with your answer, “I climbed a tree. That’s also how I heard and saw you all coming.”

A chorus of ah’s resounded from the group, finally understanding what you meant.

“Do you want to join us?” Armin, asked quietly as he played with the hem of his green cloak.

You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms across your chest as your eyes flit across each of their faces, each looking at you with a different expression, “And why would I join four boys I don’t know, in the middle of the night?” You stated monotonously while containing a smirk that was threatening to play at your lips.

Silence fell upon the group, sheepish and embarrassed expressions etched onto their faces. You tapped your foot impatiently waiting for a response to your question. It wasn’t until Eren coughed rather awkwardly into his hand, catching your attention, “W-well it really isn’t like that…we’re just here so I can get some more practice in… you know.”

You waved him off, laughing quietly as a small smile adorned your face. Their eyes softened at your carefree expression and the beautiful sound of your soft laughter.

“I’m just messing around, even if you were to do something I have a few tricks up my sleeve to deal with any funny business.” You smirked at the end of your statement, taking to the front of the group and walking off to lead them to their destination. You were never this trusting of people, especially people who you still considered strangers, but you had this gut feeling that they were alright.

When you couldn’t hear the sound of footsteps following behind you, you glanced back beckoning them to follow with the wave of your hand, “Come on boys, afraid to follow a girl into the woods?” You teased turning back when you heard them catching up behind you.

You could hear Reiner chuckle heartily as he fell into step by your side, “I’d follow you anywhere (Y/N).” He winked at you flirtatiously, a cheeky smile enriching his visage.

And from there the four of you fell into an easy going conversation, exchanging names and pleasantries until you reached your sought destination. And for a few hours throughout the night the boys helped Eren with practicing on the wires while you leaned back against a tree watching from a distance.

You thought today was a good day, a good day indeed. You didn’t remember the last time you felt so lighthearted and even relaxed, but you certainly weren’t complaining.


	4. 4 - sparring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you spar with a certain blonde

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im kinda bad at writing fighting scenes so sorry about that in advance

The next two weeks were quite uneventful, nothing interesting or out of the blue coming to your attention. You and your classmates participated in rigorous training and exercise, nothing new to you. You kept to yourself for the past few days as well, not really in the mood to converse and chat with others but you did get acquainted with a few people; Krista Lenz, Ymir, Mikasa Ackerman, Annie Leondheart, Mina Carolina, Hannah Diamant, and a few others. 

At the current moment, you were spacing out. You barely registered the sound of speaking, or yelling, to be more precise, in the background. Nor did you think about the heavy thud of steps approaching your form. Well, that wasn’t until you were face to face with the infamous Keith Shadis, his eyes narrowed, snarling as he spoke to you, “Are you listening to what I was saying cadet?!”

You blinked, looking at him with a bored expression as you performed a quick salute, “Sir, yes Sir!”

Shadis began to rub at his chin, somewhat menacingly? Is that how you would describe it? Well, the look in his eyes surely attested to that, “Well since you were paying so much attention how about you have a quick combat session with Braun? Let’s see how you put up with him.” He added with a slight smirk as his eyes trailed off to the brute blonde. 

He snapped his fingers, voice heightening in volume suddenly, “REINER! (Y/N)! UP TO THE FRONT NOW!”

With long, confident strides you found your place in front of the large group of students. Reiner seemingly beside you just as quickly, an underlying smirk etched onto his face. 

Keith turned to the trainees, eyeing them with his typical glare, “NOW LISTEN UP SHITHEADS! WE ARE GOING TO HAVE THESE TWO CADETS DEMONSTRATE TO US SOME HAND TO HAND COMBAT! PROBABLY A TERRIBLE EXAMPLE SO WATCH CAREFULLY!”

You rolled your eyes at his latter statement, he probably called you up to embarrass you for zoning out, but the man really didn’t know much about who you were or more specifically what  _ you  _ were capable of.

The students bounced with excitement to watch the fight unfold, surrounding you and your opponent in a large half-circle. People exchanging empty bets about who would win the fight. From your keen hearing, you could overhear most in Reiner’s favour while a few said you. In made sense though, the guy was robust and built with a lot of muscle; while you were shorter and didn’t  _ look  _ as physically lean, but you had done some of your own training in the past so they really had no reason to underestimate you  _ that _ much. 

You and Reiner turned to face each other, about 3-4 feet separating the both of you. Immediately you had gotten into a fighting stance; legs spread apart, one foot ahead of the other, knees bent slightly as your fists come up to defend your face. And soon enough Reiner was in a similar position as well. 

A cheeky wink was sent in your direction by Reiner as the two of you readied yourselves, “I won’t go too hard, don’t want to damage that face of yours.”

You rolled your eyes at that, snorting quietly in response, “Yeah whatever, we’ll see what you’ve got.”

"NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE COZYING UP TO YOUR OPPONENT BRAUN! So.....BEGIN!!!"

The start of the fight was rendered by the rambunctious voice of Keith Shadis. Immediately the two of you began to circle around each other, eyes focused and scrutinizing. Right now only a few thoughts floated in your mind. You always relied on muscle memory more than actual strategy in these types of situations. It was always far easier that way.

The first step was taken by Reiner, fist flying quickly to your undefended side, but you sidestepped speedily, narrowly dodging the hit as his fist skimmed by your waist. 

And like that your body had taken over, mind left blank. A powerful roundhouse kick to his side left him staggering backwards. He was quick to recover sending another jab to your face, but you ducked quickly, taking a few steps back.

You could overhear cheers and hoots erupting from the crowd, but you paid them no attention. You were set on winning this fight, you weren’t going to give in to weakness or emotions for that matter. But you might have to restrain yourself from breaking any of his bones right now.

Quick on your feet, your agility carried you as you sent a punch straight into his gut. Before he could recover an uppercut square in his chin sent his head snapping upwards. Using his shoulder as leverage you grabbed it tightly with one arm as you flipped over him. Before he knew it he was on the ground as you held him tightly in a headlock.

It all happened so quick, one second he was trying to send punches at your agile form, the next he was laying on the ground. Your right leg wrapped around his torso, encasing one arm in a tight grip, while he used his free arm to try to yank your hold away from his throat. But his attempts appeared to be futile as you tighten your hold around his neck; shallow breaths escaping his mouth. After a few seconds, Shadis called for a stop to the fight. You quickly let go, wriggling yourself from underneath his body as you stood and dusted off your pants. 

Looking down at the now coughing blonde, you offered a helping hand which he took quickly, helping him get pulled up to his feet. You patted him on the shoulder, a somewhat apologetic smile on your face, “Sorry ‘bout that. You alright?”

Reiner looked down at you, golden eyes betraying an emotion unrecognizable to you. Which was rather strange, since you had the ability to read people with ease. 

A brazen smile came to his lips, eyes brightening, “Well damn, you got one hell of a chokehold.” 

You scoffed, shaking your head, “That’s what you get for underestimating me.”

Before he could respond you could hear Shadis speaking behind you, your head turning to him.

“Well that was rather unexpected.” He mumbled quietly under his breath but you could still hear him clear as day. 

He quickly continued, his boisterous voice booming throughout the open field, “BRAUN, YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE SHOWN UP BY A GIRL AGAIN!”

You laughed quietly and so did a few of the other cadets, amused with the whole ordeal. Reiner’s cheeks tinted with a red hue as he put his fist to his chest quickly, “YES SIR!”

You walked back to the group, but before you could even arrive you were surrounded by different faces and multiple pairs of coloured eyes.

“Wow! That was incredible!”

“Where did you learn to fight like that?”

“You are such a badass!”

“You really showed him!”

You scratched the back of your neck, not really used to this much attention directed towards you. You felt a little overwhelmed, but pushed the feeling down as a strained smile met your lips at their comments, shrugging, “It’s no big deal, something I picked up in the past.”

“Well you’re very skilled, you know.” The familiar freckled boy named Marco complimented; a genuine, beaming smile adorning his innocent features.

You nodded in acknowledgement with a quick thanks and a small smile directed in his direction. 

You could see Jean behind the dark-haired boy, a typical scowl on his face as he crossed his arms, “How the hell do you just pick up something like that?” He asked voice laced with venom, but also a tinge of curiosity.

You returned his gaze with a scowl, the group falling silent, “I just did. And unless you want to have a quick spar with me, I suggest you stop poking your nose into things that don’t concern you.”

You could hear a couple of ooh’s and chuckles resound from the group, Eren quick to retort as he laughed in amusement, “Don’t want her messing up that horse face of yours!” 

The rest of you laughed as Jean lunged at the brunette beside him, “Shut it, you suicidal maniac!” 

Before the two could get into a brawl of their own Shadis interrupted them with some given instructions, “YOU ARE ALL TO GET INTO PAIRS AND DO SOME OF YOUR OWN TRAINING! SO GET YOUR ASSES MOVING!” 

And from then on, the day was spent sparring with different opponents, each unable to beat you in combat. You weren’t surprised, to say the least, it wasn’t that hard in all honesty, but you didn’t like to be too cocky, so you let it be. 

“Your strength is basically inhuman, what the hell!?” Connie whined childishly, as his hands flailed wildly in the air, “Like you have no right to beat me seven times in a row, it’s totally unfair (Y/N)!”

You laughed, a smile brightening up your expression as you glanced at the bald-headed boy walking by your side, teasing him as you prodded his side “Not my fault you’re a weakling, little boy.” 

He jumped a bit at the sudden touch, a playful scowl on his face as he huffed an exasperated breath while he crossed his arms over his chest. Looking away from you as he faced his head upwards, a pout on his lips.

You laughed again, shaking your head in amusement, “Connie calm down, you’re being a baby.”

Before he could respond, he was interrupted by a certain brunette girl jumping onto his back, both falling down due to the sudden impact. You could hear a sound of pain and discomfort come from Connie while Sasha giggled getting up off the poor guy.

You helped Connie up to his feet as Sasha rambled on about her obsessive love for food while Connie added in a few comments. By the time the three of you arrived at the mess hall, the pair had a little banter between them, throwing a couple of playful insults and retorts in response to the other. 

You simply smiled at their childish nature, you wished you could have the pleasure of feeling young, feeling like you were own age. Let's just say, c _ ertain  _ things can make someone mature faster than they are meant to.

You pushed the thought to the back of your mind as your little group of three sat around one of the long, wooden benches. Eating while your two companions continued on with their chatter. Your mind wandered, thoughts of what was still yet to come in these next three years; how each of you were to improve and grow as soldiers and also as people in general.

You thought maybe this was meant for you, not based on the training and all, but more about the people here. Maybe you were meant to make friends, to get to know these people. But deep down, you couldn’t get rid of that nagging feeling. The feeling of having to go through that again.

To lose someone.


	5. 5 - taste of freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a lil use of the ODM gear. a dream and a few interactions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first couple of chapters are basically like fillers that will lead up to the more interesting parts of the story so hang in there for anyone reading lmao

Days, weeks, months had passed since the beginning of your training as a member of the 104th squadron. Days of running laps for hours on end, the days of hand to hand combat, stringent exercise, and even using the ODM gear. It all lead to where you were right now, zipping through the air from tree to tree.

The wind hitting your face as loose strands of your hair wildly whipped back and forth. The feeling of zipping through the forest, blurred images of your classmates ignored as you whizzed by them with incredible speed. While you shot your anchors to different trees, you felt yourself get yanked in different directions. This, this was a feeling you could never get over. 

The feeling of feeling as light as a feather, feeling like a bird in the air. Your wires connecting to different tree trunks and branches to propel you further into the forestry. Soaring through the air with your gear, you felt free. This sensation of freedom sending a rush of pure adrenaline flow through your every vein and artery. At the sight of a makeshift Titan you swooped down, twisting midair as you used both blades in hand to cut a deep gash in the fake flesh like nape. You could feel the blades meet the wooden part of the faux Titan as you cut through, signifying that the fake wound was acceptable.

You shot yourself to a nearby tree, landing with both feet on the side of the trunk as you hung in midair, over 50 feet off the ground. You gazed around your surroundings, taking in where you were and who was around. Well in actuality there was only trees, shrubbery, and rocks. No one was in your line of sight nor could you hear anyone either. 

You must have gone further than everyone else. Mentally you counted the number of titans you had eliminated - which were twenty-one in total, so far. You knew that was pretty good in this situation; but actual Titans moved around, they reacted to the stench of human flesh, even if it was rather slow. They were still dangerous; you couldn’t help but wonder, how many people in the 104th training corps were to die by their hands? How many were going to get eaten alive?  


You felt the bile in your throat rise at the thought; shaking your head you moved on to your next target. 

And in just a few minutes you found yourself at the edge of the forest, swooping down as you landed on your feet gracefully. Gazing around there wasn’t anyone, but you, a couple of your superiors and Keith Shadis. Walking up to the older bald-headed man you saluted him sharply before you spoke with confidence, “Sir! What am I meant to do now?” 

With a scowl on his face, he glanced down at your shorter figure, “Just sit your ass down and wait Cadet. You arrived quicker than expected so you’ll just have to wait for the rest of the trainees to arrive.”

You nodded in response, walking away as another man approached Shadis and spoke to him in hushed tones. You knew it wasn’t your business to eavesdrop so you shut them out, finding a shaded green patch of grass. 

Seating yourself on the ground, you laid on your back, hands behind your head to act as a makeshift cushion. Closing your eyes, you let yourself take a deep breath of fresh air as you dozed off into a quick nap. 

-

_You sat there wriggling in the binding, the tight grasp of chains around your figure. You grunted and grumbled, an irritated expression on your face as you tried to get out of your bindings._

_“It’s useless (Y/N).” You glanced up at Ryker, the older boy in a similar position as you, seated a few feet directly in front of you._

_You growled underneath your breath, grinding your teeth together in frustration, “I don’t understand what we did wrong?! Why the hell are they tying us up?!”_

_The violet eyed boy sighed, as he let his head fall back against the edge of the seat, while he stared up at the crumbling ceiling, “I don’t know, but you’re only going to make them angrier if you keep trying to struggle.”_

_“Shit, shit, shit!” You swore, cursing yourself for whatever you did wrong._

_Just then the sound of the doorknob twisting and the steel door clicking open caught both you and Ryker’s attention. Your gaze was met with a familiar face, one that sent chills down your spine at the mere sight of him. Him, that man. He was never good news, you knew that for a fact._

_He was huge, terrifyingly tall - reaching nearly seven full feet. His biceps bulging out of the tight black shirt that he wore. Sparse stubble littered his chin and lower face, his pale skin visibly greasy. His menacing, pale blue eyes glared at the two of you. White hair slicked back with gel, his thin eyebrows furrowed in anger._

_“Onyx you’re up first.” His deep, gravelly voice resounding throughout the small room. A sinister and wicked grin on his face as he approached Ryker with long strides._

_You shook in your seat, writhing as you tried to break out of your iron links, “NO! DON’T!”_

_The man looked back at you, an eyebrow raised in your direction, “What now Rogue?”_

_Your gaze met his, your eyes narrowed dangerously as a glint of anger shone through them, “Take me instead, whatever it is we did, it’s all on me. I can take it, you know I can Anselm.” Your tone was matter-of-fact, as you spoke evenly; seemingly unfearful of what your fate shall be._

_The man known as Anselm stalked up to your form, grabbing your chin forcefully, “You sure you want to take your little friend’s place? You know what happens when you break the rules (Y/N)~.” His voice quiet, yet containing a menacing tone to it._

_Your fiery (e/c) orbs was all the answer he needed and as he began to reach for the chains around you, the sound of Ryker’s voice interrupted him._

_“You can’t take her.” His voice was stern and unwavering; you knew he was dead serious, but you couldn’t let them take him._

_You shook your head as Anselm watched the both of you, “No Ryker. I’ll go, not you.” You narrowed your eyes, lips set in a firm line, meaning there was no way he was going to stop you now - your stubborn nature was etched into your very being anyways._

_His voice lowered in volume, as he his violet eyes met yours, “(Y/N).”_

_“(Y/N).”_

_“(Y/N).”_

“(Y/N!)

You woke up suddenly bolting straight up, your eyes darting around frantically at the soft voice calling your name. It wasn’t until your gaze fell upon a small blonde girl and a taller brunette by her side that your racing heart calmed down.

“Are you okay (Y/N)? You were tossing and turning, while you mumbled incoherent words in your sleep.” Krista asked you, concern written all over her delicate, innocent features; her blue eyes wavering with worry.

You sighed rubbing the side of your temples with your hands, “Yeah, yeah I’m good. Just an odd dream.”

“How long have you been asleep for?” Ymir asked while she wrapped a long, slender arm around Krista’s shoulders. 

You shrugged while you glanced around the open field, recognizing that many people had arrived after you had finished the course, “I don’t know to be honest. I was the first to make it so I guess I just took a nap.”

Both girls nodded in response, sharing a look between each other before Krista spoke softly, “Yeah, a lot of people arrived, we’ve been here for about thirty minutes so you mu-.”

“You know there’s something off about you (Y/N).” Ymir interrupted the blonde, as she narrowed her eyes and scrutinized your being.

Krista elbowed her side, sending her a glare as she hissed, “Ymir! Stop being so rude!”

You didn’t care much about the bluntness of her statement, rather you were intrigued with what brought up the question itself, “And why do you think that Ymir?”

“Well you’re unnaturally strong, fast and have some crazy ass stamina and endurance. I have never seen you break a sweat, nor have you ever seemed tired after training. It’s weird because even Mikasa, who’s Mikasa sweats every once in a while.” 

In all honesty you had _no_ idea how to respond to that, how were you to explain to her what led you to be this way. You were certainly not about to explain your whole childhood and upbringing so you settled for the next best thing. A horribly vague answer, “Guess it may be genetics.”

A questioning, suspicious expression was etched onto Ymir’s tan, freckled face, but before she could voice anymore opinions, Krista’s voice cut her off, “Well we should get going (Y/N), it’s going to be dinner time soon.”

You nodded as the three of you stood up. You tidied yourself as you straightened your clothing and fixed your hair to look a little more presentable. The three of you began to walk off when you heard a feminine, bubbly voice call out to you, “(Y/N)!! Wait up!”

You waved off Krista and Ymir to carry on to the mess hall and you turned to face the approaching girl.

You glanced back to find a ravenette with low pigtails running towards you. She came to a halt in front of you, she began to pant heavily as she bent down, hands on her knees while she tried to catch her breath, “I ... wanted...to...talk to… you.” She managed to say through her heavy breathing.

“About what?”

A cheery smile etched onto her ivory skin, putting her hands on her hips proudly, “I want you to teach me how to fight better.”

A confused expression was written all over your face as you let out a puzzled response, “Huh? Teach you?”

She hopped in place, grabbing your hands in hers suddenly. You flinched at the abrupt contact, but regained your composure quickly as the girl explained her earlier statement, “Well you’re one of the best fighters in our class, maybe even the best. I would go to Annie or Mikasa, but you know how those two are. I want to be badass like you and be able to protect myself if I’m ever in a tight situation!” 

“Uh…”

“Please (Y/N)! I’m doing terrible in this part of training.” She pleaded, eyes resembling one of a puppy dog begging for food.

“But hand to hand combat isn’t even really a part of our final grades anyways.” You answered, still unsure with the whole idea. You had never taught anyone fighting, or anything for that matter. So you were clearly hesitant.

“Still! It’s a skill I should know. So please (Y/N) teach me!” 

You could tell that her begging and pleading wasn’t going to stop anytime soon, an exasperated sigh left your lips, “Fine Mina, but that means you’re going to have to be ready to wake up an hour earlier every morning. I don’t want to be dragging your ass in the morning because I promise you I’m not going to go easy on you.”

The brightest smile adorned her face, her white pearls shimmering in the gleaming sun rays as she engulfed you in a tightening hug, “THANK YOU (Y/N)! YOU’RE THE BEST!”

You stood their stiffly as she tightened her hold around your back, hesitantly and reluctantly you raised your arms as you wrapped your arms loosely around her form. A ghost of a smile on your lips as you replied quietly in her ear, “Yeah…” 


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m travelling rn so it’s hard to update from my phone

Mina..”

“Mina..”

“Mina get the fuck up before I smack you right now.” You hissed as you shook the ravenette roughly while she grumbled and opened her eyes lazily.

“Fine Mom... Just give me a second.” She replied, her words drawn out as she tried to blink the sleep out of her black irises. She tried to wipe away her messily strewn black tresses that laid against her face due to her moving around so much in her sleep.

You yanked the blanket off of her body, as you hissed at her once again, “Mina I swear to god if you don’t get up right now I’ll throw you off Wall Maria and feed you to the Titans.”

Her eyes finally snapped open as she bolted up from her bed, her head nearly making contact with the underbelly of the bed above hers, but you quickly halted her actions; your hand jutted out as you grabbed her shoulder, “Listen you have five minutes to meet me on the training grounds or this deal is off.” 

She nodded hurriedly as you got up and left the dormitories you shared with the girls, shutting the door quietly behind you. You grind your teeth in frustration, pinching the bridge of your nose with your thumb and index finger. 

You honestly had no idea why you agreed to this in the first place. You didn’t know how to teach people how to fight;  _ how do I even teach her, how do I even teach to begin with?  _ You asked yourself, groaning at your lack of assertiveness and ability to say no. You really had grown soft, and honestly, you weren’t pleased with that realization. 

You tapped your foot impatiently, arms crossed across your chest as your eyes darted around waiting for your new student? Or apprentice? Honestly you had no idea what you would call her or call yourself in this situation, but you didn’t care. You weren’t happy to do this and honestly hated yourself for saying yes. It wasn’t that you hated Mina or anything, you just weren’t the teacher type. You wouldn’t be pleased to do this for anyone else either way, but you forced yourself into this situation, so all you could do was see it through. 

Thing is, you enjoyed using the old battered punching bag in the early morning of each day, but you guess that would have to be rescheduled to a time when you had a break in between your rigorous exercises that carried on all day long. You thought that maybe you could cut your supper meal out of your day and replace it with some more training. To anyone else that would have been insane, but you lived your entire life this way. It was practically etched into every fibre of your being, it’s like they say; old habits die hard. That is if you would consider it as a habit, since it was really more the way you lived your life.

You fiddled with the small silver chain around your neck; as you touched it your nerves began to ease the slightest bit. A small smile reaching your lips as you gazed up at the sky. A palette of colours mixed up above; red, purple, blue, orange and yellow created a beautiful coloured canvas. The beauty of the sunrise etched into your memory. The golden rays bathing everything it touched, the sunlight allowing a warm feeling to engulf your body. The sky was all your heart yearned for at the moment and you felt calm, taking a deep breath of fresh air.

You were snapped out of your thoughts when the sound of someone clearing their throat caught your attention, your gaze was met with none other than Jean Kirstein. He must have sensed your frustration and pent up anger because he raised his hands up in surrender to show that he wasn’t coming to you as an enemy or to start any problems. A sheepish smile was on his face as he approached you slowly, carefully and conscientiously. 

“Hey…”

You scowled in his direction, upper lip upturned into a snarl, “What do you want  _ Kirstein _ ?” You spoke his name with so much distaste that he unconsciously took a step back, a little fearful of what you may do, “N-no nothing. I was just w-wondering what you’re doing up so early.”

You rolled your eyes at him, turning to see if Mina was coming yet. It had been four minutes now and there was still no sign of her. Turning back to face Jean you responded with a rather harsh tone, “You really like knowing other people’s business don’t you?”

He laughed awkwardly as he scratched the back of his neck, “Well no. I’m just curious.”

“Curious, my ass.” You retorted, still glaring at the honey eyed boy.

“SORRY (Y/N)! I COULDN’T FIND MY OTHER BO-!” Mina came running out of nowhere, tripping over her own two feet as she stumbled into your side causing the two of you to topple over and collapse onto the ground. A grunt of surprise left your lips as you met the dirt earth, Mina squeaking like a little mouse.

Mina hurried to get up off of you, repeatedly apologizing over and over again, while Jean tried to stifle his own laughter. You pushed yourself up off the ground into a sitting position, leaning back on the palms of your hands as your legs sprawled out in front of you. 

Your eyes flit between the two people, mouth set in a firm line as they both became silent. One watching you with amusement as the other’s eyes widened in fear. 

You stood on your feet, wiping off your now dirty pants and straightening your tan jacket. You took a deep breath to compose yourself, then you were suddenly in a fighting stance. You beckoned Mina over with your hand and with an uneasy smile she approached you, also in a similar stance.

“Let’s begin.” 

And for another hour or so the two of you sparred, as you gave the dark-haired girl tips and tricks. You gave her pointers to improve and what she needed to do to be able to beat her opponents with greater ease. It came naturally to you and honestly you didn’t mind it now. It was easier than expected and you were thankful for that. 

During that whole time though Jean just seemed to be watching the two of you, an unreadable expression on his face that you recognized was similar to Reiner’s when you beat him in your first ever spar in front of your classmates. You brushed it off as something that wasn’t important so you didn’t worry yourself with his nonsense.


	7. ch 7- girls night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you and the girls in your barracks have a little fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don’t mind the mistakes. i didn’t read this over sorry

“(Y/N)~”

With an uninterested expression you gazed at the brunette sitting on the ground beside your bed, “What is it Mina?”

A goofy grin etched onto her face as she leaned back on her palms, her legs criss-crossed like the few other girls surrounding your bed, “Let’s gossip a little~” 

Your rolled your eyes, sensing that she was up to no good and neither were some of the others. You weren’t going to really expose much of yourself since you were a pretty closed off person. At the moment, all eight of you were meant to get ready for bed, but a few of your bunkmates wanted to chat a bit. Sasha, Mina, Hannah, Ymir and Krista all sat on the ground in a small half circle beside your bottom bunk. Mikasa was on the top bunk laying on her side as she blankly watched the girls, her stoic facade still etched onto her face. Annie on the other hand was tucked away in her own bed snoring softly, she had dozed off as soon as she was in bed. You envied her ability to sleep so soundly and easily. 

Sasha clapped her hands together enthusiastically, a cheeky smile on her face, “Yeah! That would be so fun!”

Ymir threw an arm around Krista’s shoulders pulling her flush against her side as she ruffled her hair affectionately, “I’m down, if my little Krista wants to.” 

Krista nodded, her shimmering blue irises softening at the brunette’s endearment, “Yeah, why not.”

As Hannah laid her head on Mina’s shoulder she threw up a thumbs up, her ginger like hair open as it fell loosely against her shoulders.

You knocked on your bunk, catching Mikasa’s attention as she glanced down at you, “What do you think Mikasa?” You asked her, your (e/c) eyes met her orbs that were shimmering a light silver in the artificial light in the room. She simply hummed in response, nodding slightly. You had come to learn more about Mikasa in the past year and a half you had been here. The two of you had grown somewhat close due to the fact she slept right above you and you could understand her better than any of the other girls. Her response giving you a sense that she wasn’t opposed to the idea, but wasn’t going to really participate. 

You nodded and sighed, stretching your arms up a bit, “Mm-kay, but we shouldn’t be too loud since Annie is asleep and I also want to hit the hay soon.”

Mina and Sasha both nodded eagerly in response. Mina clapped her hands together once again as a mischievous look crossed her face, “This question is going to be for everybody…” Everyone’s attention was on her, waiting for her inquiry, “ Which of the guys do you find most attractive?”

You groaned in annoyance, grabbing the pillow on your bed and chucking it at Mina’s head causing her to stumble backwards as the other girls laughed at her misfortune. 

“Really Mina, why that of all the things you could ask?” You rolled your eyes as she sat back up with a pout on her face.

“Come on!” She then turned to Sasha, wiggling her eyebrows expectantly, “Who do you think Sasha?”

Sasha blushed furiously as she turned her heated face away from the six of you, mumbling quietly under her breath, “Connie…”

“Aw~ That’s adorable! You two would make a cute couple.” Hannah stated, a cheery smile on her freckled face.

Mina nodded vigorously, shaking Sasha’s shoulders as she laughed, “That’s so cute Sasha!” 

Christa laughed sweetly as Ymir rolled her eyes. Mikasa simply watched with her usually stoic face, not a glimpse of emotion presented in the expression she was portraying at the moment. While you couldn’t help but let a little smile adorn your own face. You knew Sasha and Connie were really close and in all honesty you always knew that they had something for each other.

“Well how about you Christa? You’ve got to have your eyes on someone.”

The small blonde girl’s eyes widened as she shook her head, cheeks tinted a rosy colour as she got all flustered, “Uh… N-no there isn’t anyone.”

Ymir sent Mina the dirtiest look, glaring daggers at the poor girl as she squeezed Krista’s shoulder, “Krista’s mine. She definitely finds me the most attractive, isn’t that right?” Mina raised her hands in surrender, gulping in slight fear.

Christa nodded happily, glancing up at the brunette as she smiled, “Yes of course Ymir!”

You chuckled softly, shaking your head in amusement, “Mina you know better than to ask Christa that type of question with Ymir being around. Those two are meant to be. I can already hear the wedding bells ringing.”

Ymir sent a smirk in your direction, nodding in acknowledgment, “(Y/N) gets it. That’s why she’s going to be my best man.”

You placed your hand over your heart, smirking back at the brunette, “Aw~ It would be my pleasure Ymir.” 

A few of the girls laughed as you and Ymir bumped your fists together in acknowledgement.

“So do you have your eyes on (Y/N)~?” 

You turned to look at the ginger, eyebrow raised in questioning at her teasing tone. You scoffed shaking your head in disbelief, “As if any of these guys are worth my time.”

“Aw~ come on! You must think someone is attractive.” Mina whined childishly, hands together as she got on her knees and begged you dramatically for an answer.

A thought crossed your mind and you couldn’t help but smirk the tiniest bit, “Keith Shadis.”

You could see Sasha, Mina, and Hannah’s expressions morph into ones of absolute horror and disgust. Christa looked mildly surprised, but didn’t question your choice since she’d grown to learn about your sarcasm. Ymir threw her head back laughing hysterically; grabbing her stomach as the chuckles caused her stomach to cramp and eyes to tear up. 

Mikasa was as impassive as usual with the exception of the corner of her lips slightly quirked up in a subtle smirk - which was pretty unnoticeable to any of the other girls. You couldn’t help, but feel pleased with the reactions you got from the rest of your female roomates. 

Ymir wiped away the stray tears that fell from her eyes, “That was priceless. You all should’ve seen your faces.” 

The trio that she was talking about had come back to their senses after the shock of your surprising statement. “Please tell me you aren’t serious.” Hannah practically imploring you to say that you were lying, hazel eyes wide and pleading. 

You shrugged, a smirk still plastered on your face as leaned on the post of your bunk bed, “Maybe I am Hannah.” You were so amused with the fact that these three were so damn gullible and you could toy with them as much as you wanted, but you weren’t  _ that  _ cruel.

“I’m just kidding. Wow, a whole year and a half and you guys still don’t understand my sarcasm. Such terrible bunkmates.” You tsked shaking your head in incredulity, crossing your arms over your chest. 

You could see the relief on their faces. Mina sighed with an exasperated breath, running a hand through her midnight tresses, “I nearly had a heart attack, I actually thought you were serious.”

You could see Ymir rolling her eyes as Christa cozied up next to the tall brunette. Hannah moved her head to Mina’s supposedly comfortable lap while the dark haired girl ran her fingers through the ginger’s hair. Sasha was snacking on a piece of bread that she had smuggled a while ago, which wasn’t a surprise at all. Poking your head out from underneath the bed, you could see the Mikasa didn’t move whatsoever; as she lay on her side, leaning on her hand where her elbow was propped up on her pillow.

Your gaze fell onto the laying Hannah, “So Diamant…” She looked up at you, her attention on your form, waiting for you to continue, “Tell us about you and Franz~” 

Her face blossomed a bright red, hiding her face with her hands hastily. The rest of you laughed at her flushed state, knowing well enough what was up with the pair - you just liked to tease her about it occasionally. 

She muttered out a word of protest, but Mina kept prodding her side, waiting for an answer from the girl in her lap, “Come on Hannah, banana.”

You could see her gingerly sliding her hands away from her face, eyes flitting around as she caught each of your expressions. Sighing in defeat she began to twirl a strand of her tressees, “W-well… we actually kind of started… dating.” She confessed the last word quietly, mumbling it under her breath. 

“Congrats!”

“That’s so sweet.”

“Tell me everything!” 

Comments were thrown around, voices resounding throughout the dorm without a thought. But the group soon fell silent at the sound of Annie grumbling in her sleep. Sharing a look with the group you nodded as you whispered quietly, you jut your chin out in the sleeping blonde’s direction, “We should probably head to bed, Shadis will be here shortly.”

The girls all nodded and silently walked to their beds. Goodnight’s were exchanged and soon enough everyone in the room dozed off to sleep. With the exception of you, who laid awake staring at the wall stuck to your bunk bed.


	8. 8-growing soft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you help out blondie and you're asked ALOT of questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tend to write christa/krista both ways so if you see that i've written it like that I'm sorry I'm just lazy and don't want to stick to one version. also i can barely find anyone ik who watches attack on titan so i have no one to talk abut it with :(((((((

The thundering of footsteps and splashing echoed in your ears. The rain poured heavily on your forest green hood. The pack on your back feeling heavier due to the excessive amount of water that it had soaked in over the course of the five hours you had been running on the muddy trail. 

You maintained your place at the front of the group, your pace steady yet much faster than the rest of your classmates. You kept your concentration focused ahead. Glimpsing from the corner of your eyes you could see Keith with his typical glare as he barked out orders and insults to those lacking in the back. 

The sound of pattering rain, the grunts of exhaustion and murmurs of those speaking was all that could be heard; but you could still hear the slowing footsteps from all the way in the back. Sparing a glance backwards you could see Armin struggling with his back pack. Without another thought you slowed your pace, allowing many of the others to pass you. You could see the scowl that Shadis sent you, but you ignored it. Falling into line with the small blonde you slightly turned to him, “You need help there Armin?”

Getting snapped out of his minor calamity, he looked at you, eyes wide and wavering. He shook his head earnestly, yanking the straps of the bag closer to his body, “ I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s obvious you’re struggling.”

“Like I said. I’m fi-” Before he could finish speaking you had pulled the backpack off of him as you threw it over your shoulder, the added weight not affecting you whatsoever. 

“It’s okay to get help Armin.” You sent him a small, reassuring nod as you turned to start hurrying back to the front. It wasn’t long before Armin had yanked the bag off of you, pulling it onto his back, hurrying his pace, “I don’t need _help_.” You could hear the hint of venom in his voice, but you didn’t let that faze you; you understood his frustration.

* * *

“(Y/N), did you see the rankings today?”

You turned to the brunette; his teal eyes burning into your own, “No I haven’t. I don’t care much for them.”

Eren shared a surprised expression with Armin, eyes wide in bewilderment and some _jealousy?_ You weren’t sure, but shrugged it off. 

“How is that?! You’re literally in the first place and you don’t care?!” Eren yelled exasperatedly, some turning their heads at the sound of his rambunctious attitude. 

Taking a bite out of your bread, you lazily blinked at him, unable to understand why it got him so worked up, “So what? Not like it matters to me. I’m not joining the military police anyways.”

The irritated brunette slammed his palms on the table, a frustrated scowl sent your way as Armin tried to calm him down with shaking hands, “What is wrong with you?!” 

Mikasa then turned her attention to her adopted brother, her eyes betraying an unreadable emotion of annoyance, “Eren, calm down. Why are you so worked up about (Y/N)’s rank?” 

The brunette merely sent a glare at the stoic girl, while you ate your food unbothered, “It’s just… There’s something about you.” 

You lifted your head, an eyebrow raised in question. You had an idea of what he was going to say. In truth, you’ve noticed a lot of people were coming to a realization that you weren’t _normal_. Your abilities, endurance, and strengths raised a lot of unanswered questions amongst the 104th training corps. Thing is, you weren’t sure how to answer any of these inquiries or respond to their suspicions. You knew you weren’t ordinary, that was a fact. How can someone who lived like you ever be considered a norm in society. Shaking your head to dismiss the sudden wake of thoughts, you made eye contact with the brunette. 

“Listen Eren, you don’t know anything about me or my life. There are things nobody knows about me and I’m going to keep it that way. So I suggest you drop it.” 

Eren could sense the irritation rolling off of you in waves even with your collected, calm attitude. He wasn’t up to having to deal with you when you were angry, because he honestly was a little scared of your ability. Begrudgingly he nodded and resumed eating his meal. 

A comfortable silence befell your group of four for a few minutes, but was soon interrupted with the sound of Armin coughing into his hand. Grabbing the attention of you, Eren, and Mikasa; all of you gazing at him to speak.

His ocean-blue eyes met yours, hands fiddling together as he set them on the table, “Why did you try helping me today?” 

You shrugged nonchalantly, as you pushed your tray away from your form, “Because I wanted to.”

Eren and Mikasa watched you with curious expressions as Armin questioned you further, “But you were at the front. Why would you risk getting yelled at by Shadis just to help me out?” 

You sighed, leaning your cheek against your palm with an unreadable expression, “You remind me of an old friend and I guess.. I felt this motherly obligation to help you out.” 

The way you worded that probably sounded a little weird, but it was the best way to explain it. Armin visage contorted into an expression of confusion and embarrassment, his face brightening with a red blush. You could see the amusement in Mikasa’s eyes and Eren’s own bewildered eyes, wide like dinner plates.

You chuckled softly; reaching over the table to ruffle the boy’s blonde locks, “Listen Armin, getting help doesn’t mean you’re weak. You may lack some physical strength, but your incredible intelligence makes up for it. So don’t bring yourself down for it.” 

The blonde blushed even more furiously, hiding behind his hands as he mumbled quietly under his breath, “T-thank y-you…”

A gentle smile graced your lips while you sat back down. Mikasa and Eren nodded in agreeance at your statement. 

“Y/n, I actually was wondering something too.”

You turned to Eren in question, “ And what would that be?”

“What branch of the military are you planning on joining?”

You hummed softly in response, as you leaned your cheek on the palm of your hand, “The Survey Corps.”

“What?!” Both Armin and Eren yelled out in surprise, grabbing the attention of way too many people for your liking. 

“My goal was to always join the Survey Corps years before I even became a part of the 104th squadron.”

The building went silent, mere whispers echoing throughout the mess hall as boys and girls exchanged surprised expressions with one another.

You could hear the pounding of footsteps coming from behind you, but didn’t have the energy to turn around and look. It wasn’t until you felt a large, strong hand grab your shoulder gently before you looked up into the golden eyes of Reiner Braun.

“Why would you want to join the scouts, (Y/n)?” The older blonde questioned you with curiosity.

You sighed softly before responding, “Well-”

“Are you crazy or something?!” Bellowed the familiar voice of the two-toned male, who also came marching towards you; Marco, Sasha, and Connie in tow.

You shot him a glare before rubbing your temple with your digits. It seemed you had attracted quite a crowd around your table; Mina, Ymir, Thomas, and Christa also coming to watch the _show_. 

“Just because she wants to join the scouts doesn’t make her crazy!” The teal-eyes brunette shot back. 

Armin tried holding Eren back from jumping over the table as Marco tried to calm down the raging Jean. 

“Why do you even care horse-face?!” 

Jean stilled himself, eyes glaring daggers at Eren as everyone watched the exchange tensely, “I-,” he threw his hands up in frustration, “She’s in first place and has the perfect chance to join the military police!”

“That’s not your decision to make!” The brunette yelled in anger.

You didn’t understand how this became a whole fight over what branch of the military you wanted to join. Reiner squeezed your shoulder reassuringly as you took a deep breath. 

“Can you both shut the fuck up already? Because I honestly wouldn’t mind castrating both of you right now.” 

Everyone’s eyes turned wide in surprise at your vulgar statement, before they burst out into laughter. Jean and Eren burned red in embarrassment, trying to stutter out a response to what you said. 

“I can’t believe you said that with no hesitation!” Connie laughed out, grabbing onto Sasha for support. 

You shook your head in amusement, but decided to address the question still lingering in the air, “The reason im joining the scouts is because I’m looking for someone there.”

“Looking for someone?” Marco raised an eyebrow in question.

“Yes. I won’t disclose who exactly.” 

“Wait so you’re only joining because of someone?” Armin asked.

“Well yes, and because I think the Military Police are little pieces of shit that use their power as a means of getting away with whatever they want.” 

“Hey-”

You were getting annoyed with everyone and wanted to just finish your dinner in peace, “Show’s over ladies and gents. Now scurry along.” You laughed dryly, as everyone got the hint to go back to their seats.

For the rest of the time in the mess hall the four of you engaged in small talk; talking about training, tips and tricks to improve, and even what the future may hold for you soldiers in training. 

As the bell rang, signifying the end of your supper time, you stood up. You took the other three’s trays as well - they protested but you insisted. Putting the plates of finished food away, you turned to leave, finding the Shiganshina trio still standing at the entrance waiting for you. You all left, ready to head to your designated barracks, when Eren grabbed your shoulder. You flinched, but it was barely noticeable to the brunette, “What is it Eren?” 

Retracting his hand, Eren leaned in close to your ear so the other two couldn’t hear you, “I wanted to show you something, whenever you’re free.” As he backed away, a wide grin reached his ears, eyes brightening up in child-like excitement.

You tilted your head in question, “Show me what?” 

“It’s a surprise…” 

You really weren’t sure about this _thing_ he wanted to show you. _What if it’s his dick-_ You cut off your suddenly shameful thought. You shrugged and nodded to cover up the heat that began to rise to your cheeks in embarrassment and disgust. You bid the two boys goodbye while you and Mikasa walked off to your dormitories. 

“(Y/N).” 

You turned to the dark-haired female, waiting for her to continue.

“If you don’t mind, I have a question to ask you.” She had halted suddenly, turning completely to face you. All the other girls had left so it was only the two of you standing a few feet away from the building you were meant to sleep in. You nodded, gazing into her silver-grey eyes intently, “Go on ahead Mikasa.”

She ran a hand through her ebony locks, sighing lightly under her breath, “I really know its not my place to ask but… I’ve noticed you are rather uncomfortable with physical touch other than combat. Why is that?” 

Your eyes widened in surprise, the question had triggered something inside of you. Maybe the fact that you had tried to bury those memories in the bottomless pit of your mind or that no one had ever really cared enough to notice your habit of flinching whenever you were touched by someone. 

She waved a hand in front of your face, “Hey (Y/N), I’m sorry for overstepping a boundary.”

You shake your head, snapping you out of your thoughts, “ No, no it’s o-okay. It’s just... a long story.” 

You grabbed her pale hand, pulling her behind you to the steps of the female barracks. You sat down, patting the the wooden spot beside you. She sat down quietly, turning to you, “You don’t have to tell me if you aren’t comfortable, but I just wanted to say that I consider you my friend (Y/N).” 

To say you were surprised was an understatement, you were completely shocked. Mikasa, the girl who barely liked talking to anyone other than Eren and Armin was calling _you_ her friend. Honestly you didn’t know how to react, no one had called you a friend in the past 2 years. It was more like you just talked to people, but never did you think anyone considered you their friend. 

“Really?”

The girl nodded wordlessly, lifting some weight off your shoulders; which was a little weird, but suddenly you felt more comfortable in her presence. The word _friend;_ it was so foreign, yet so familiar to you.

Taking a deep breath, you leaned back, staring up at the night sky, “I’ll keep it brief. I don’t want to dig into details.”

She nodded again in understanding, waiting for you to continue. 

“Truth is I’m not from Stohess, but from the underground city beneath it.” 

From the corner of your eyes you could see her expression turn to one of slight surprise. Probably the most emotion you had seen on her face in the time that you had known her. She didn’t say anything though, not wanting to interrupt you. 

“Well life there… it’s certainly not the best. You have to fight to survive. Being a kid and a _girl_ there exposes you to particularly bad people. Basically to sum it up, there’s a lot of fucked up shit that goes on down there. And it’s better if you don’t know exactly what. ” You kept it blunt, not wanting to dance around the subject.

“But maybe in the future, when I’m ready. I’ll be able to tell you the whole story; from start to finish.”

It felt weird for you to say it out loud to someone for the first time in your life, but you felt at ease speaking with Mikasa. Truth is, you admired her. She was similar to you; strong, capable and guarded. The difference between the two of you though was that you weren’t as phlegmatic, nor did you feel the obsessive need to protect Eren like she did. But you understood her situation; he was family to her and she felt the urgency to keep him safe. 

But to say you weren’t beginning to feel rather protective of some of your comrades was probably putting it mildly. Lately you have been feeling a familial overprotectiveness for Armin, Mina, Connie and Sasha especially. Since they weren’t the _most_ capable and that they’re clumsiness and fears sometimes got them into trouble.

Even though the latter three were a pain in the ass sometimes, you couldn’t help but feel obliged to protect them and to safeguard their future. Armin particularly reminded you of Priya; their intelligence, vulnerability, and even their looks were so similar. It was as if he was the male version of her, which was amusing to say the least; and why you felt the need to help him out whenever necessary. It probably was going to hurt you one day - growing soft. But you had begun to open your heart to your comrades and quite a few of them at that. 

When you turned to look at Mikasa, her face was as impassive as always, but her eyes. Her silvery orbs conveyed determination, but for what, you had no idea. 

She stood up without a word, offering you a hand to stand. You took it without a second thought. As the two of you slipped into your dormitories, you could hear her mumble quietly under her breath.

“I’ll watch over you (Y/N), I promise.”

  



	9. 9-bullets are a pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS- mentions of blood, not a lot but a bit.  
> you and some comrades head out for a day off

“Our first break in two years! I CAN’T WAIT TO GET SOME FOOD!!!” 

You smacked Sasha upside the head harshly, “Stop moving around so much. Let me finish this dutch braid in peace.”

She grumbled lowly as you took the last pieces of her hair and finished up the braid, tying it off with an elastic. You suggested to do her hair differently for the day. You always used to practice on Priya and it eventually just became a skill that you could use to deal with your hair so it wouldn’t get in the way. 

You patted her on the shoulder signifying that you were finished. She hurried to her feet and scurried to the bathroom mirror to get a good look of her new appearance. Wiping your hands on your pants briefly, you stood up from the bed you were seated on and rummaged through the little drawer that contained your belongings.

Eventually, you found the little money that you owned from working on the fields before you had joined the 104th. Putting them in your pocket quickly, you scanned the room for anyone left. The only people who were still in your designated barracks were you, Sasha, and Mikasa. You smiled softly as your eyes met with Mikasa’s steely silver orbs. The faintest of smiles reached her lips as she nodded to you in acknowledgment. 

“Sasha hurry your ass up! Don’t you want to get some food?” 

Sasha bolted out of the bathroom at your statement. She grabbed your arm roughly as she began to drag you out with force. You could say you had grown used to Sasha’s touchy and hands-on nature, but you were still uncomfortable in all honesty... You waved to Mikasa to follow the two of you out as the brunette pulled you towards the door. You could see the dark-haired girl narrow her eyes in what you would only call anger, but a mere hint of it. 

She eyed your arm that was grabbed by Sasha before she yanked it off of you. You gazed at her with confusion, as a look of complete bewilderment crossed Sasha’s face. 

“No need to grab people Sasha,” Was all she said as she pulled up her red scarf over her nose and walked out of the cabin. 

It took you a second but you realized that it must have been because of what you told her about your life that night. You had noticed that Mikasa had been, what you would say, a little more protective over you. Which was rather odd considering she really only cared about Eren and Armin. And that you were quite capable on your own. But you weren’t complaining, because it felt kind of nice to be cared for.

You were all going to Trost for the day to look around the area just for the fun of it. Mikasa left to go with Eren and Armin, obviously, while you got with Connie, Sasha, Marco, and Jean. If it was two years ago, you would have never thought you would ever be willingly hanging out with Jean, but he started to grow on you, so he wasn’t  _ as  _ much of a pain in the ass. 

* * *

“Jean, doesn’t your family live here?” You asked the two-toned boy with simple curiosity.

“Tch. So what?”

Both you and Marco gave him an odd look, somewhat confused by his attitude when you mentioned his family. Connie and Sasha were too busy looking around the stands of items and food. 

“We should go visit your Mom!” Marco suggested with an excited smile. 

“There are better things to do than  _ that _ . Let’s just keep looking around.” The way he spoke about her with so much distaste made your blood boil. 

You took a deep breath, keeping your composure and stoic facade as you spoke, “You shouldn’t speak that way about her.”

“What way?!” Jean snapped back, eyes narrowing in anger. 

“I’m just saying your lucky that your family is still alive. Not all of us can say the same.” You spared him a quick glance before walking off toward Connie and Sasha. 

Jean’s expression changed into one of confusion, that is until the meaning behind your statement dawned on him. He shared a look with Marco, both of them unable to react to this information. You never shared anything about your past, and this was a definite surprise to them.

* * *

“Sasha would you stop running around like a rabid dog?!” You chased after the brunette as she slipped by and dodged any people in her path. It wasn’t hard to keep up with her, but it was a pain in the ass. You had left behind the other boys, not really in the mood to be around them and because you were stuck babysitting the overzealous food enthusiast.

She suddenly stopped in front of a pastry stand; fluffy, delectable delights set on top of the table. Sasha turned to you in excitement, grabbing your hands in hers and shaking them roughly as she hopped like a child wanting a toy. 

“(Y/N)~Please get me some! I’m broke!” She pouted exaggeratedly, bottom lip protruding as she made her best doe eyes. 

It wasn’t the fact that she looked like a little puppy begging for something, but because you honestly wanted to try some too. You were getting really tired of the bland stew and bread served to you back at the mess hall. 

Nodding reluctantly, you pulled your hands out of her own and dug your hands into your pants pockets and pulling out all the money that you had. You weren’t really in need of buying anything else so you could spoil yourself and your crazed comrad for the time being. When you officially joined one of the military divisions you would get paid anyways.

“I’ll take this! And this! Oh and this too!” Sasha pointed eagerly to the pastries that she wanted. When she was done, you chose one choux pastry filled with buttercream. 

The baker smiled kindly before placing the sweets in a paper bag as you paid with the cash that you had. 

“Hope you enjoy ladies. Have a good day!” He waved to the two of you as you walked off. You bid him a nod and fake smile before falling into step with Sasha. You noticed that it had begun to get darker outside as the sun set. The sky mixed with an array of colours that you thought were quite beautiful. 

You took a bite of your pastry before moaning quietly in pleasure. The sweetness and flavour melting on your tongue. The flakiness was just right and the cream had the perfect amount of sugar. Turning to Sasha, you noticed her scarfing down the last of her five baked goods with animalistic hunger. It never ceased to amaze you how much this girl could eat. 

As she finished up her pastry she turned to you with a grin so wide you were sure it would split her face. She threw an arm around your shoulder as she beamed brightly at you, “You’re really the best (Y/N)!” 

You smiled softly at her, a genuine smile on your face. She squeezed your shoulder as the two of you began to walk off to head back to the 104th training headquarters since it was getting pretty late. 

“Well, well, well. What are two beautiful young ladies doing out here so late at night?”

You and Sasha both snapped your head back at the voice. About five men stood behind you in a group, slowly surrounding the both of you. The man who spoke seemed to be the ‘leader’ from the way he stood with his chest puffed out and an egotistical smirk etched onto his pale face. Green eyes staring you down with what you could only pinpoint as lust and greed. 

“We’re just heading home,” You replied with an even, yet uninterested tone. You wanted him to catch on to your lethargic reply. But, much to your dismay, it seemed he was a little too thick in the skull. 

“Well why don’t you come along and get a drink or two with us.” He grinned devilishly as his companions laughed. Sensing that they were getting way too close for your liking you slowly started walking back into an alleyway. You grabbed Sasha’s arm, which was shaking uncontrollably. You glanced back at her, catching a glimpse of her eyes. It was clear she was desperate to get out of here, and her deep brown irises wavered with confusion and anxiety.

You understood that feeling far too well; all you had in mind was protecting her, because the last thing you wanted was for her to experience anything merely close to what happened to you all those years in the underground. 

Most of them towered over the two of you by a couple of inches, varying in shapes and appearances. What they all had in common though was that they seemed to be amongst the richer people in Trost, but not enough to live in Stohess.

“Come on! It’ll be fun. We’ll show you two gals a wonderful time, if you know what I mean.” The tallest amongst the group winked; his unkempt, wild hair was pitch black and his eyes were a deep blue. 

“I’m sorry boys, but we should really get home. They’re probably waiting for us to come back.” You responded with the apathetic tone you’ve learned to use in situations like these. 

“Who’s they, huh?” Another of the group asked.

“Our friends are probably getting worried right about now.”

You felt yourself back up against a wall, you cursed yourself for your lack of sensing your surroundings better. You were so busy trying to get as far away from the men that you hadn’t realized this alleyway was a fucking dead end. 

You pushed Sasha behind you as the head of the group strut towards you with long strides, “Why don’t you be a dear and listen to me and my pals.”

He raised his hand, rubbing his cold, calloused fingers against your chin; his hot breath fanned against your face from the close proximity. The smell of alcohol evident from his breath as well as his clothing. 

You felt the urge to gag and squirm under his grasp, but in no way were you going to let this man touch you without your consent. And you were sure as hell that he wasn’t going to lay a single finger on Sasha. 

You had a clear goal in mind right now; to get the  _ fuck  _ out of here and to protect Sasha at  _ all  _ costs. 

So it all happened in a flash, unexpected by everyone around you. You grabbed his shoulders swiftly and kneed him right in the crotch. He let out a scream of agony as he collapsed. 

The rest of the men came running towards you, yelling a variety of war cries. You clocked one of them right in the face, effectively knocking him out. You promptly grabbed the tallest one’s arm and flipped him over your shoulder with ease; kicking him in the face as an extra bonus for his comment earlier. You flipped over the other two before they could reach you and smashed their skulls together in a swift movement. 

You turned back to see Sasha staring at you with wide eyes. You forced a smile, trying to ease her fear as you walked up to her. 

“Are you okay?” 

She nodded her head violently as she reached to hug you quickly.

“You bitch! I’ll kill you!”

You turned your head with wide eyes watching as the man pulled out his gun. Without thinking you shoved Sasha out of the way as the bullet flew through the air. You staggered backwards feeling the bullet rip through your shoulder. You grabbed your right shoulder, watching as the blood dripped onto your fingers. 

“Fucking bastard.”

Your eyes narrowed in anger; you lifted your head ready to pounce on the man but were surprised to see Reiner tackling him. Jean ran up to you with an expression you could only pinpoint as worry. 

“Y/N!”

He grabbed your shoulder, examining your wound with wide eyes, “Shit! We have to get you to a doctor right away.”

The sound of Reiner’s fist colliding with the man’s face caught your attention. You watched as he hurried to your side, hands hovering over you. 

“You’re bleeding a lot, we need to bandage it now.”

You rolled your eyes in annoyance, “Yeah, no shit.” You didn’t mean to sound rude especially when both boys were worried for your safety, but it pissed you off to no end how careless you had gotten. If it was back in the underground you were sure you wouldn’t have gotten yourself shot. 

Reiner frowned at your retort, clearly sensing your frustration, “I-” 

You effectively cut him off by tearing the right sleeve of your shirt to get a better glimpse of your bullet wound. Jean and Reiner grimaced at the sight of it, Sasha gasping loudly in shock. You glanced back at her, scrutinizing her form for any injuries. Overall she seemed unscathed, so you sighed contently at the fact you were able to do one thing right. 

Reiner reached for you, but you pushed his arm away quickly, “Give me a second. I just need to check something.”

He retracted his hand while watching you with narrowed eyes. Looking at the injury once more you stuffed your fingers inside of the wound. Using your fingers, you searched around for the bullet, which was much deeper than you thought. Finally, you could feel the metallic shell between the tips of your digits as you yanked it out. You examined the bullet covered in the mahogany colour of your blood. 

You tossed it onto the ground, then wrapped the sleeve you had ripped off, around your shoulder tightly. You wiped down your hands on your pants to get rid of the blood that had begun to stain your palm and digits. 

You glanced up at the group staring back at you, eyes wide and mouths left agape. 

“Quit gawking and let’s head back.”

  
  



End file.
